If you haven't read Babyslime yet, do. She has the most hilarious anecdotes ever, apart from highly interesting and thought-provoking links. And controversial posts too :-). Oh, and this is where I picked up the giving-up-shampoo gag.
And here's an excerpt from her blog, where her husband Curtis indulges in "a self-described "perfect" plan to solve all of the problems going on in the US right now."
And here's an excerpt from her blog, where her husband Curtis indulges in "a self-described "perfect" plan to solve all of the problems going on in the US right now."
"We'll cut off America, seal it with a glass dome and launch it into space!"
"That's your plan?"
"Hey, everyone I've talked to says it's a great plan. It's flawless: first we'll give them a year to round up all the 'unAmericans' and deport them to Europe or Canada, then we start with a border fence. Except it's a wall. A steel wall. We'll use American steel, of course," he explained, "And we'll reassure them that the wall is to ensure no one gets in, when it's really to prevent them from getting out. Once we're done we'll put a big glass dome over the top, cut the landmass right off and launch it into space. Planet America. It'll orbit Mars or something." He gestured to himself. "Brilliant, right?"
I give him an incredulous look.
"Oh come on, you know there are tons of people who would be on that like white on rice. Planet America? How much more patriotic can it get! They can all speak 'American' there."
"And not have to press one for it?"
"Exactly. There's a huge chunk of the population that would eat that up. We could advertise it as a way to permanently keep the 'aliens' out."
"I'd give them three months before it tanked."
"Where's all the timber? And the power? And all the workers?! What do you mean unemployment is at -500%? Nothing is getting done! Every Wal*Mart on the planet just self-destructed... and holy shit the stock market just crashed! How are we going to survive? We can't get anything in! Oh man, I just need a joint to calm dow--- OH MY GOD, NO."
"This beer tastes like shit!"
"And where's my wine and good cheese? Whaddaya mean I can't buy named brand clothes anymore? I think child labour is wrong... here!"
"Why is everything falling apart? Wait... 'Made in America'? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?"
"Oh god... the STEEL!"
"Meanwhile the rest of the world is enjoying the quiet."
"There'd certainly be a lot of new ocean front property to sell off. We'd have to put in some sort of memorial on the border though. And then we'd celebrate every year with speeches. 'This was once the site of ... America. Every year we gather together to celebrate the launch of America. It was launched in the traditional American way: with rocket's red glare'."
I respond with silence.
"Oh come on, that was good. You can give me that one."
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